Cartas al silencio

- Hola, ¿cómo estás?
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- Supongo que estás bien, tú siempre estás bien, jeje. ¿Has viajado? Yo he viajado un montón, no tienes idea. He ido a lugares a los que no habría imaginado que iría hasta hace unos años. ¿Te acuerdas de cómo te decía todo el tiempo que quería viejar mucho, mucho? Y conocer lugares exóticos hasta cansarme, y tener recuerdos de mil experiencias, y probar comidas diferentes y aprender siempre, sin parar, hasta ser una abuelita de esas que le hablan a los nietos que la miran como si estuviera senil. Jajaja.
Pues bueno, te cuento que ya empecé mi recorrido. Aunque eso tú ya lo sabes, ¿cierto?
- ...
- Sí, ya deberías saberlo. Lo sabes como yo sé que me esperaste un tiempo. Sólo un poco, claro está, nunca has sido muy bueno esperando. Y supongo que te diste cuenta de que no iba a servir de nada que esperaras que volviera pronto, mi camino sigue acá poquito a poquito.
- ...
- Siempre supe que no ibas a venir a perseguirme, no es lo tuyo, ni lo mío.
- ...
- A veces me pregunto qué habría pasado si no hubiera salido esa mañana de abril, qué habría pasado con nosotros y esas cosas. Sí, es una de mis maneras favoritas de perder el tiempo.
Lo que me recuerda, ¿cómo está ella? ¿siguen felices juntos? En serio, espero que sí.
Yo también estoy saliendo con alguien, ¿sabes? No es fácil, tú sabes que no soy muy buena con estas cosas. ¡A veces me siento tan perdida! Es como si estuviera rodeada de arena movediza, no importa hacia dónde me mueva, o qué haga, siento que me quedo sin piso a cada rato. Además, es difícil mantener el control, creo que por fín entendí lo que significaba eso de que "entrego demasiado y asusto" jaja, me estoy asustando incluso a mi. Es un problema cuando dos personas difíciles se juntan, debería recordar eso para la próxima. Pero bueno, no me quejo, se siente muy bien cuando estamos bien.
Ah, cierto, eso no es para andarlo regando por ahí. Mejor cambiamos de tema. ¿Sigues jugando basket?
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- Hmmm, es muy tarde, ya me tengo que ir. Te he extrañado, ¿sabes?, me gustaba hablar contigo. Ha sido un rato agradable. Hay que conversar de nuevo uno de estos días. Regalame un abrazo.

Adios.

A year later... or a bit more

Ok, it's not my birthday anymore, but I made myself a promise to write something for my birthday every year since my last year's post (yeah, the one in which I was complaining infinitely about having become 20 years old), so here I am. It took me a while to get myself to write this year's post, mainly because I was having a tough time with my "responsibilities" and... well I have a huge amount of excuses but I suppose it doesn't really matter.
This time, I tried to do a more objective and less reproachful analysis of what I've done with my life so far and, although the result wasn't much different from last year's one, I do think that I have attained lots of good things during this year past.
I do still feel quite lost, insecure and I still think that there are many things I need to figure out, but, I've learned a lot about myself this year. I finally learned how to leave some of my masks and poses aside when dealing with others; I understood that I am not that much more mature than other people of my age in some aspects (close relationships with people, for example) and (the best part), that being childish in those aspects is not wrong. It's not wrong simply because I don't have much experience at all there, so i dont really know how to behave.
I've always been kind of blunt and clumsy when dealing with people and letting them get inside my life has always been difficult. On the other hand, when they finally get inside, I tend to give everything I have to them and keep too little for myself. I finally understood what Felix told me about "giving so much that it is scary". Ironically enough, it was Taro the one that made me understand that... in a very painful way, i might say.
About that, If I had to choose 2 things that marked my 2008, one would be for sure the relationship with Taro. Yep, although i still think that he screwed up big time, and at the moment it seemed that my world was falling appart (check July's post) I have to thank him for what I learned with all that. Maybe it made me a bit cynical as well but it seems that you cannot really go around the world believing that people will actually correspond to what you expect from them (they don't really have to, anyway)
Luckily, and a bit surprisingly, it seems that I am not that weak at all. I could take back what i gave... and now I am keeping most of it for myself. This time im going one step at the time, and it seems to be working well so far, I don't suffer for every little thing that happens (or doesn't happen) as much as I did before... and this time i'm trying to actually comunicate and not just pretend i do.
This was a hard year to go through... but, this time i actually got something good out of it! ...
Guess i AM growing up :P